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Nothing Jenn and Jason learned in parenting class prepared them for the challenges they鈥檝e faced raising a child prone to violent outbursts.

The couple are parents to two siblings. They first fostered the children as toddlers and later adopted them. (KHN has agreed not to use the children鈥檚 names or the couple鈥檚 last names because of the sensitive nature of the family鈥檚 story.)

In some ways, the family seems like many others. Jenn and Jason鈥檚 12-year-old daughter is into pop star Taylor Swift and loves playing outside with her older brother. He鈥檚 15, and his hobbies include running track and drawing pictures of superheroes. The family lives on a quiet street in central Illinois, with three cats and a rescued pit bull named Sailor.

Jenn described their teenage son as a 鈥渒ind, funny and smart kid,鈥� most of the time.

But starting when he was around 3 or 4 years old, even the smallest things 鈥� like being told to put on his swimsuit when he wanted to go to the pool 鈥� could set off an hours-long rage.

鈥淚n his room, his dresser would be pushed across the other side of the room,鈥� Jason said. 鈥淗is bed would be flipped up on the side. So, I mean, very violent. We鈥檝e always said it was kind of like a light switch: It clicked on and clicked off.鈥�

Jenn and Jason said their son鈥檚 behavior has gotten more dangerous as he has gotten older. Today he鈥檚 6 feet tall 鈥� bigger than both of his parents.

Jenn said most of the time her son directs his initial anger and aggression toward her. But when the 15-year-old has threatened to hit her, and Jason has intervened, the teen has hit his father or thrown things at him.

鈥淭he way he will look at me is just evil,鈥� Jenn said. 鈥淗e has threatened to slap me in the face. He鈥檚 called me all sorts of horrible names. After an incident like that, it鈥檚 hard to go to sleep, thinking, 鈥業s he going to come in and attack us while we鈥檙e sleeping?鈥欌��

Drawings made by Jenn and Jason鈥檚 15-year-old son lie on the family鈥檚 dining room table in their home in central Illinois. Though his angry outbursts reveal a violent side, his parents say that most of the time he is 鈥渒ind, funny and smart鈥� 鈥� a teen who enjoys drawing pictures of superheroes.(Christine Herman/Illinois Public Media)

People who are victims of domestic violence are advised to seek help. But when the abuse comes from your own child, some parents have said there is a lack of support, understanding and effective interventions to keep the family safe.

While research is limited, a of the literature found child-on-parent violence is likely a major problem that鈥檚 underreported.

Jenn said she鈥檚 concerned about everyone鈥檚 safety and worries about her 12-year-old daughter being exposed to recurrent violence in their home.

The stress has taken a significant mental and emotional toll on Jenn. She sees a therapist to cope with the violence at home and to deal with her anxiety.

鈥淭here are days when it鈥檚 hard to breathe,鈥� Jenn said. 鈥淵ou just feel it in your chest 鈥� like, I need a breath of air, I鈥檓 drowning. We say to each other all the time, 鈥楾his is insanity. How can we live like this? This is out of control.鈥欌��

Blamed And Shamed Into Silence

It鈥檚 hard to know exactly how common Jenn and Jason鈥檚 experience is, since research is sparse. In one nationally representative of roughly 600 U.S. families, about 1 in 11 reported at least one incident of an adolescent child acting violently toward a parent in the previous year. In about a third of those cases, the violence was severe 鈥� ranging from punching, kicking or biting to the use of a knife or gun.

Other more recent estimates of the prevalence of child-on-parent violence range of families, which means several million U.S. families could be affected.

A 2008 by the U.S. Justice Department found that while most domestic assault offenders are adults, about 1 in 12 who come to the attention of law enforcement are minors. In half of those cases, the victim was a parent, most often the mother.

who are abused or witness domestic violence do not go on to become violent themselves, and while most people with mental illness are , those life experiences have been identified as risk factors for children who abuse their parents.

is a clinical social worker in the Seattle area who has worked with hundreds of families dealing with a violent child. Along with her colleague Gregory Routt, she developed a family violence intervention program for the juvenile court in King County, Wash., called .

Anderson said, in her experience, many parents feel ashamed about their situation.

鈥淭hey don鈥檛 want to tell their friends or their family members,鈥� Anderson said. 鈥淭hey do feel a lot of self-blame around it: 鈥業 should be able to handle my child. I should be able to control this behavior.鈥欌��

Anderson said many of the incidents take place at home, where the assaults are hidden from the public eye. That contributes to the lack of public awareness about the issue and makes it even harder for affected parents to find support.

鈥淭he whole issue becomes perceived as being the parent鈥檚 problem and the parent is to blame for the youth鈥檚 behavior,鈥� Anderson said. 鈥淚 think the main issue is that we need to talk about this. We need to talk 鈥� be willing to put it out there and make it an important issue and bring resources together for it.鈥�

Unpredictable Anger

Jenn said that she has talked to her son鈥檚 therapists about why he has such trouble regulating his emotions, and they鈥檝e told her it could be linked to the severe trauma he experienced as a baby and toddler.

When the couple began fostering the siblings in late 2007, the boy was 3 and his sister younger than 1. They had been removed from the home of their birth parents, where police were regularly called for drug and domestic violence issues. Jenn said her son remembers being beaten by men in his home and watching as his biological mom cut herself.

Jenn and Jason started their son in therapy at a young age, and he has been diagnosed with , PTSD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and autism.

Jenn, Jason and their kids together at home last spring. Before they were adopted, the kids experienced or witnessed significant abuse in their birth family, Jenn says. That severe trauma, according to therapists, is likely a source of their son鈥檚 difficulty in regulating his emotions.(Christine Herman/Illinois Public Media)

The teen has attended art therapy and equine therapy regularly for years. He also participated in a mentorship program and attended a school designed for children with behavioral health needs. Jenn and Jason participated in family therapy sessions with their son, where they learned coping skills and practiced de-escalating situations at home.

The teen was also prescribed medication to help regulate his emotions.

Jenn said her son enjoyed going to therapy and seemed to be making some progress, but his anger remained unpredictable.

During the worst of the conflicts, the teen has kicked holes in walls and broken appliances. He has attempted to run away from home and created weapons to try to hurt his parents and himself. In recent years, Jenn and Jason have had to call police to their house about once a month to get help restraining their son. They鈥檝e also sometimes had to have him admitted to the hospital for brief psychiatric stays.

鈥楽eems Like It鈥檚 Not Enough鈥�

Keri Williams is a writer in North Carolina who advocates for parents raising children who have trauma-related behavioral issues, including attachment disorders that can manifest as intentional violence directed toward parents.

Williams鈥� own son became so violent that her family had to place him in a residential facility at age 10. He鈥檚 now 18.

鈥淚 actually thought I was the only person going through it,鈥� Williams said. 鈥淚 had no idea that this was actually a larger issue than myself.鈥�

Williams manages a and where parents like herself 鈥� who feel isolated and unsure of where to turn 鈥� can find others who can relate.

Many parents she meets online struggle to accept that they鈥檙e dealing with a serious domestic violence issue, she said.

鈥淵ou just don鈥檛 want to think like that,鈥� Williams said. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 just not how our culture is and how parents perceive things. And that denial actually is what keeps parents from getting their kids help.鈥�

Jenn 鈥� the mother of the 15-year-old in Illinois 鈥� said parenting her son often feels like being stuck in an abusive relationship.

鈥淏ut it鈥檚 different when it鈥檚 your son,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 have a choice. I can鈥檛 just, you know, shove him away or break up with him.鈥�

Jenn said anytime she sees a news story about a child who has killed a parent, she worries. Such events are extremely rare, and Jenn doesn鈥檛 want to think her son is capable of that.

鈥淏ut, unfortunately, the reality is, when he is in those rages and in those meltdowns, he really isn鈥檛 thinking straight, and he鈥檚 very impulsive,鈥� Jenn said. 鈥淪o, it鈥檚 very scary.鈥�

Despite all the challenges, she and her husband both said that adopting their son has brought them a lot of joy.

鈥淚t鈥檚 made me a better, stronger person, a better and stronger wife and teacher,鈥� Jenn said.

But, she adds, she wishes there were more effective treatments that could help kids like her son live safely in the community and more places where traumatized parents could turn to find help.

鈥淚 feel like we鈥檙e doing everything that we can for him, but it just seems like it鈥檚 not enough,鈥� Jenn said.

A Difficult Decision

Just before the beginning of the school year, Jenn and Jason made the difficult decision to send their son to a residential facility for children with severe behavioral health issues. He鈥檚 living there now.

The couple wrestled with that choice for some time. The boy had already spent almost three years in residential treatment all told, starting when he was 10. He鈥檇 moved back home last year because they thought he was ready.

But the family continued to deal with almost-daily standoffs involving verbal threats, angry outbursts and property destruction.

The boy鈥檚 12-year-old sister said she has mixed feelings about her brother leaving home again to reenter residential treatment.

鈥淚t makes me feel happy and sad,鈥� she said, 鈥渂ecause, well, I love my brother. And I know he鈥檒l be getting the help he needs.鈥�

She鈥檚 comforted knowing her parents will be safe but said she鈥檒l miss her brother a lot.

鈥淚 just love him,鈥� she said. 鈥淎nd I don鈥檛 want to see him go through that.鈥�

This story is part of a partnership that includes , , and Kaiser Health News.